A small lesson learned

1Today we remember as a country. We remember a day when we all felt the pain of a now iconic tragedy that struck us from behind when we weren't looking.Yesterday we remembered as a family. We remembered a day when we felt the pain of a still somewhat fresh tragedy that struck us from behind when we least expected it.Today is the five year anniversary of the plane crashes on September 11th. Yesterday was the six month anniversary of my dad's death.
And I've been thinking today, about pain and tragedy, in an altogether not depressing or morose context. I'm feeling incredibly blessed to have not experienced the numbing pain of a major tragedy too early on in life. I feel like I was spared that depth of painful experience until I was mature enough to handle it. One never thinks oneself capable of handing the pain before it happens, I certainly never would have guessed I could. And yet, I think of all of the versions of me that I've been as I've grown up, and I'm glad it's the post-freshman-year-of-college me that's been faced both with the tragedy of 9/11 and with the loss of my dad. The other me's weren't ready for that. God is good.
After the towers fell I felt tired and numb for a few days. I didn't know what or how to think, and I felt like napping a lot. Now I can look back and see some of the good that has come out of it all, though I still don't know quite what to think about all of it.
After I found out dad had died, God and I had a very animated conversation in my truck, in the Home Depot parking lot. Then I had mom to look after, and there were certainly tears, but I had something to do, I had a "mission" of sorts. Now I look back, and 7 out of 10 times, I smile. Sometimes I still cry. Like today.
I can't even hazard a guess as to what would have happened to the pre-college me, in this type of situation . . . I'm just glad I'm the me I am now. Like I said, God is good.
___________________________________________________________________1. I have yet to go to bed, so it is still today, despite the fact that it is past midnight.