Dear Politicians

for whom I am supposed to vote tomorrow,

Let's just be honest here; if I had my way, there would be an option in the voting machine's programming by which I could vote against all of you. In my opinion, you are all poor representatives for this area and probably humanity in general. I might even go so far as to accuse you of being low life scum parading as decent human beings and doing a terrible job of it.

Honesty hurts doesn't it.

Some pointers, from a voter's point of view:

1. At least begin your campaigning with a positive "this is why I am a good candidate" ad. In a perfect world, no one would need to resort to smear campaigns, but let's at least start on a good footing. The way your campaigns have gone, all I know is that you're all terrible choices and namecallers.

2. It might be a good idea to mention which district you're running in. As it is, I have no idea who's going to be on my ballot tomorrow. I know the reason that there are a lot of you is that it's a state legislature race: all the more reason to identify who you'll be representing.

3. Just so you know. You're frequent and ubiquitous negative commercials are doing nothing for voting apathy amongst your younger constituents. The fact that I don't want to go to the polls tomorrow is entirely your fault. Who would want to, given the same options?

4. Despite what your spin team might tell you - elections are not really about image. Don't make promises or claims that you cannot actually back up just because you think it's what we want to hear. What we want is for you to do something, anything, to make things better. That means actually working.

5. Here's an earth shattering idea - why don't y'all give yourselves a pay cut for once. You've been voting for your own pay raises for years, how about we balance the scales a little, and put some of that money towards something that will actually benefit the state.

6. Enough with the abusive driver fees already. You're spending so much time arguing about them, when you can't make them do what the whiners want them to, that it's really becoming laughable. We CAN'T enforce added fees on out of state drivers - there's really no good way to do that. Let it go. If those fees make a few locals think twice before driving like idiots they'll have done as much good as could be expected.

7. On the flip side, the abusive driver fees were a sucky, slimy, and lazy plan for funding the road projects we need around here. That was a cop out, admit it.

8. And finally, while I am grateful you've been personally stroking my paycheck for the last month and a half, I will be so happy when I don't have to listen to your bull anymore. Sadly that means that half of you will be elected, which isn't good news, but at least you can go to Richmond and annoy each other instead of me.